Monday, April 18, 2011

Long time no post

It's been more than a month since my last post, and there was so much change in my world happening.

From the last month since the very bad disaster of tsunami, earthquake and radioactive leaks, I was forced to return home to my hometown in Makassar. I was very sad to leave Japan, and seems like all my plan for the future has been dashed.

Anyway, I'm still very grateful to the Lord for still letting me alive, and blessed me with a wonderful family that really cares for my well-being. I don't know what He stored for me in the future, but looks like I won't be back in Japan until May now.

So well while I am still in Indonesia, I decided to make the best of this opportunity and met some of my old friends in Jakarta, some are from my high school friends and some from my previous university in Jakarta before I went to Japan. We had quite a time, and I was glad to see my friends that was married several months ago. Wish the best for them and their future too!

After four days in Jakarta, I arrived in Makassar. My mother was sick because she worried about me, and she was still coughing when I met her. I brought her to the doctor and thank God gradually her health gets better again, now she doesn't cough anymore. Still I don't know if I ever allowed to return to Japan permanently, as long as the radiation leaks don't get controlled I won't get permission to stay in Japan.

So I'm in the middle of pathways now, should I return to Japan in spite of the resistance from my family, and risk repeating the same problem in the future, or staying in Makassar?

Of course there is no easy way, and once I've decided it will affect my future from now on.

Decision, decision..

Monday, March 7, 2011

Feels like...

Wanna shout out really haaaard!!!

I often feel soooo lonely during all my daily busyness.. but don't have the time to chat or play around...

Weeelll, this is life, so just enjoy it with all its hardships^^

now back to work!!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Ski trip

Finally, got back from the ski trip!

What a blasting three days! Went into onsen and rotenburo (spa), skiing, playing cards until night, half-sleeping through the discussion about politics and conflicts (which a definite someone in the church, ms. ALG, would have so much thrill to hear about, I guess), and more skiing!

My body is still aching from the sore muscles, but it was a very nice vacation!
And in the end we only have to pay about 12,500 yen, so that was quite a big discount!

Also met some new friends, chida-kun, yon in-san, wong ju-san, ryu-chan, kazi-kun and shan-kun, we talked about many things. I also shared a few of my experiences walking with Jesus with some of them, hope it can become a blessing for them! Especially chida-kun, he was such a good child^^

Also learned a bit of korean language there, hmm,, let me remember a few bits...

Kansamunida - thank you
chael bo goku sumida - thank you for the food
kaccha - lie
chincha - truth

seems like an interesting language to learn, and because the grammar is very similar to japanese, I think I'll have a blast learning them!

Now if only I have time to spare ;)

Oh, forgot to say to myself : Happy birthday^^ This year was so hectic and busy that I didn't have any time to properly celebrate myself and giving thanks to God.
Thank you God for these 27 years on this earth, and please let me serve you more until the time You are calling me back home.
Oh, and also thank you for letting me starting this blog. When I re-read them again, I can see how much You work in my life through my darkness moments, and how much my joys amplified by Your blessings.Thank you for walking with me everyday. Love you^^

Monday, February 28, 2011

Mission trip in Shinshiro

After all the hectic times last week during which I submitted a paper, finished my VISA application submission (which has to be resubmitted because of a mistake >_<), preparing for conference and attending mission trip, finally I returned back to Chiba!

The mission trip was really a blessing for me. I was really feeling the presence of God through his church. I realized how important it is to pray for revival, to free people from satan's bind, and to crush the control of the demon. And I experienced how Holy Spirit gave me the courage to go and tell other people about Jesus.

It is really encouraging to see a church that is really full of Japanese people, as other churches in Japan have so few people, much less young people in there. But in this Shinshiro church, not only there are all kinds of people from children to old people, but in the Sunday service there are 300 people worshiping there!

What is different about this church is that this church has the vision for Japan's revival, and all the staff are one in heart. Like many other churches in Japan, they also had times where they were stagnant and experienced how hard it is to reach Japanese people and tell them the gospel. But they learn from many churches, and also from missionaries from Indonesia, including from our head pastor that once served as a missionary in Kalimantan.

In July 9, 1992, they were told by God to start a spiritual warfare, although they didn't understand at that time. But they started to pray to break the bond of idolatry and spirit worshiping in Japan. Then they found out that their region was the place where once a huge war happened, and in 6 hours around hundred thousands of people were killed, and since then people started to worship the dead spirit, afraid that they will receive curses from those dead spirits. They then told by Holy Spirit that this is the veil that blinds the eyes of people, that caused them to not be able to see the light of the gospel. So after they started praying to break the bind and to lift the veil that blinds people, God starts to guide people towards the church.

In rural area such as Shinshiro, people's bond are very strong, and it is very hard to become a Christian because of that. Especially because the custom of praying for the ancestor's spirit is very strong in Japan. Before, even if one person become a Christian, other 10 people will harden their heart because of that. And somehow people didn't stay for long in the church, one week they were attending and the next week they stopped coming suddenly. But after they started the spiritual warfare, mysteriously people started to go to church and asked them to break down the butsudan (place to put the picture of ancestor or buddha statue) for them! After they are praying for the veil to be lifted, God opened the eyes of the people, and those that are sensitive spiritually can see that real form of what they are worshipping, are evil spirits! And they want to be freed from them! After people become Christians, their problems (which are caused by evil spirit summoning and worshiping) are vanishing, and other people that see the change that happened in those people are attracted to church as well. People are now staying in church, and influence their surroundings, just as God want us to be.

Almost 20 years has passed since the spiritual warfare started, and Shinshiro church is still growing healthily with a vision for Japan revival through spiritual warfare. Later God opened their eye that Japan spiritual realm is based from the Jomon era, and people from Jomon era are the sailor tribes that came from Indonesia! After that Yayoi era came, where people from Korea came to Japan and eradicated Jomon people. And they found out that the Buddhist culture in Japan is a mixbreed from shamanism (which was rooted from the Jomon period) and confucianism (which came from Yayoi people from Korea). In Buddhism they believe the reincarnation, so there should be no need for grave nor ancestor worshipping, because they will be reincarnated. But what is taught in Buddhism in Japan (and in China or Korea) is that they should worship their ancestor spirit, which is taught in confucianism. And one of their worshipped god, inari, which is a fox ridden by a god named Dakini, is the name of a god in Hinduism, which can still be found in Bali.

So they slowly uncover the hidden truth behind the history, where most Japanese people wouldn't even stop to think about. Most Japanese people would think that Japanese were originated in Japan and they are special people selected by their god Amaterasu, but in reality the custom to worship Amaterasu and the emperor was started in Meiji area, and there are no such thing as pure Japanese because they are originated from Jomon and Yayoi people, which were moving from Indonesia and Korea!

So during the mission trip, we as representation from Indonesia, prayed for the revival in Japan and for breaking the chain that binds the people in Japan, especially in Shinshiro. The spiritual realm in Japan and Indonesia is strongly linked, and victory in Indonesia will mean victory in Japan and vice versa. We were also doing home visit, and telling people about Jesus and the gospel, although we were mostly rejected by people there. But we learned from this experience not to depend on our own strength or wisdom, but to ask for God's power and Holy Spirit's blessings to empower us to spread his Words. I myself experienced how Holy Spirit turned my fear into joy and the willingness to reach out to people.

Returning back here in Chiba, I wonder if the people here in Tokyo is also bound by the evil spirits, in different shape. Most people in Japan still worship their ancestor or go to temple wishing for good luck even though they would say that they don't believe in the spiritual world. I hope God would give me wisdom to find out the truth about the reign of evil spirit in this area and Tokyo, too.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Sooo many things to do this week...

Just heard from my professor that I have to make a hard cover for my thesis, and that would require two weeks to finish. Also I would need to start writing my VISA application as well.

Why would things go everything at once in this busy week?
I'll need superhuman strength to do this all...

God, you know me, and I know that all things I'm facing right now is not out of your will. If you allow me to go through this, I know you will give me enough grace to face them all.

Your will be done....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Busy days...

My final graduation defense is over, well, that means that busy days has ended, right?

That's not the case it seems. Other than preparing for next week mission trip, I have to finish a paper to submit to a journal that is due on Thursday, and make a presentation slide for 28th's symposium on Saturday. Oh did I mention that I'll have to attend our lab's undergraduate defense and farewell party on Thursday and Friday?

Thank God that He helped me though. I was so deeply immersed in the thought of preparing the paper that I entirely forgot today is the day for our usual lab meeting, and I have to present today! But somehow the lab meeting got canceled and I was able to get away today, and have more time to prepare my paper.

Still, with only two days to prepare and eight more pages to write, I can't really afford to waste more time. God, please help me, as I won't be able to do this with my strength alone. May your name be glorified through me^^

edit: I wasn't able to get away today >_<
Thought that today's meeting got canceled, but it wasn't.
I didn't make any preparation so I can't present anything, and the meeting was finished earlier. Still, I feel bad about not doing my presentation.

Well, hope I can do better in the new term!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Six characteristics of a servant

Taken from Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life, day 33.

People always measure greatness by the ability to lead, to be served by others. But Jesus taught us that what God really values is the heart of servant, and he measures our greatness by how much we serve. This is so contrary to the world's idea of greatness that we have a hard time understanding it, much less practicing it. The disciples argued about who deserved the most prominent position, and 2000 years later Christian leaders still jockey for position and prominence in churches, denominations, and parachurch ministries.

God often tests our hearts by asking us to serve in ways we're not shaped. If you see a man fall into a ditch, God expects you to help him out, not say, "I don't have the gift of mercy or service." While you may not be gifted for a particular task, you may be called to do it if no one gifted at it is around.

How can you know if you have the heart of a servant? Jesus said, "You can tell what they are by what they do."

1. Real servants make themselves available to serve.
When God calls upon us for an act of service, do we grumble? Do we reject it, saying that our schedule is already filled to the brim? Real servants don't fill up their time with other pursuits that could limit their availability. Just like a soldier, a servant should be ready for duty anytime. Are we available to God anytime? Can he mess up our plans without we becoming resentful?
Let's remind ourselves at the start of each day that we are God's servant, so that interruptions won't frustrate us as much, because our agenda will be whatever God wants to bring into our life.

2. Real servants pay attention to needs.
Servants are always on the lookout for ways to help others. John Wesley, an incredible servant of God, once said, "Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the places you can, at all times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can." That is greatness.
We can begin by looking for small tasks that no one else wants to do.

3. Real servants do their best with what they have.
Servants don't make excuses, procrastinate, or wait for better circumstances. God expects you to do what you can, with what you have, wherever you are. Less-than perfect service is always better than the best intention.
One reason many people never serve is that they fear they are not good enough to serve. Well, the truth is, almost everything we do is done poorly when we first start doing it - that's how we learn.

4. Real servants do every task with equal dedication.
As servants, whatever we do, do it with all our hearts.. The size of the task is irrelevant. The only issue is, does it need to be done?
You will never arrive at the state in life where you're too important to help with menial tasks. Jesus specialized in menial tasks that everyone else tried to avoid: washing feet, helping children, fixing breakfast, and serving lepers. Nothing was beneath him, because he came to serve. It wasn't in spite of his greatness that he did these things, but because of it. And he expects us to follow his examples.

5. Real servants are faithful to their ministry.
Servants finish their tasks, fulfill their responsibilities, keep their promises, and complete their commitments. They don't leave a job half undone, and they don't quit when they get discouraged. They are trustworthy and dependable.
Faithfulness has always been a rare quality. Most people don't know the meaning of commitment. They make commitments casually, then break them for the slightest reason without any hesitation, remorse, or regret. Every week, churches and other organizations must improvise because volunteers didn't prepare, didn't show up, or didn't even call to say they weren't coming.
Can we be counted by others? Are there promises we need to keep, vows we need to fulfill, or commitments we need to honor? God is testing our faithfulness. Imagine what it will feel like one day to have God say to you, "Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let's celebrate together!"
Faithful servants never retire. They serve faithfully as long as they're alive. You can retire from your career, but you will never retire from serving God.

6. Real servants maintain a low profile.
Servants don't promote or call attention to themselves. Instead of acting to impress and dressing for success, they "put on the apron of humility, to serve one another." If recognized for their service, they humbly accept it but don't allow notoriety to distract them from their work.
Serving in order to impress people with how spiritual we are, is the sin of the Pharisees. They turned helping others, giving, and even prayer into a performance for others. Jesus hated this attitude and warned, "When you do good deeds, don't try to show off. If you do, you won't get a reward from your Father in heaven."
In our bodies, we have several prominent parts that we could live without. Most people could go on living without an arm, a leg, or even an eye, but nobody could live without a brain, or a heart. It is the hidden parts inside our bodies that are significant.
Knowing this, let's not be discouraged when our service is unnoticed or taken for granted. Keep on serving God! Even the smallest service is noticed by God and will be rewarded. Remember the words of Jesus: "If, as my representatives, you give even a cup of cold water to a little child, you will be surely be rewarded."

Which of the six characteristics of real servants offers the greatest challenge to us?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Thank u Lord, I've gone through the defense.
Still feeling unsatisfied because the result wasn't good enough, but I know that everything I do should be done for your glory, not for my honor.

Lord, I've decided on what I would want to do, but sometimes my heart is wavering.
But I know that you are faithful and will never let me go alone.
One year is a long time, but still in this time a lot might happen and I might lose my spirit along the way, but I know that the righteous fall seven times but will stand up again, because you are with him.

I offer my whole life to you, every moment shall be for your glory alone.
Blessed be your name, blessed be your kingdom, and may you alone be glorified through me.

Monday, February 7, 2011


At last, tomorrow is the day of my final defense...

Although I've prepared all the materials, still I am afraid to face tomorrow.
Trying to not think for the worst...

Lord, I turn to you, whatever will be, Your will be done.

Friday, February 4, 2011

You will reign forever

G                                      D
Over all my problems and my fears
You are God....
G                                             D
I watched in awe of all your mighty works
                 C   D
You are my Savior...

G                                D
O Lord, I will praise Your name
Forever will I live for You and
You will reign forever

G                          D
O Lord, I will worship You
Forever You will reign over all the earth,
You will be forever
My God

Keep going in the darkest times

“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” John 12:27-28

As I struggling to keep writing my thesis yesterday, I prayed this prayer:
"I'm so afraid. Lord please help me to go through this time."

Still, God didn't give me an instant way out. Nor did I suddenly become fear-free, finishing my thesis with incredible speed. Not at all. I still struggled, and slowly, words by words, minutes ticking, several times of despair as I dreaded the closing deadline.

But still something happened. Although with much hardships, I managed to increase the page number. From twenty to twenty five, to thirty, and now thirty six! I don't know how, but I managed to write my thesis slowly, and in one day I achieved much more progress compared to days before.

Is it fear that forces me to write? Probably.
Is it desperate situations that makes me able to do that? Maybe.

I don't want to deceive myself by rejecting that I was in state of panic. But Lord used my weakness, and gave me comfort in my heart slowly, and I can somehow write them in a calm manner.
I am still struggling to fight my tendency to procrastinate, but I know that God will shape me through my life, and form me into his humble servant by my daily life, and through circumstances and people around me.

I love you, Lord. You are the best! Never once did you leave me alone, never once did you disappoint me. Even if you don't save me instantly, your grace is abundant and always enough for me.

Thursday, February 3, 2011







Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Yesterday I talked with a close one about purgatory. I was curious about it and today I searched and asked a friend about it.
Turns out it is like a temporary placeholder for people who are going to heaven but need a time for purification first, by being punished, and the punishment is as heavy as hell itself.
Catholic churches believe this, but protestant churches, started by Luther movement, deny this and claim that people are saved by faith alone.

I think I will investigate this matter a bit further, right now I can't say anything about it other than I myself don't believe the existence of purgatory, as there are no proof of it, writings in bible that explicitly teach it, nor I can see any impact of it on our spiritual growth. I think that it's much better to spend all those energy and fund raised for the sake of purgatory and use it for helping other people in the world and spread the gospel further.

Monday, January 31, 2011

I and my beasts...

There's a beast inside of me
Roaring and rampaging
Holding me from doing good things
Making me a thorn for everyone

There's a beast inside of me
Slumbering and encroaching
Entangle me with laziness
Making me losing my motivation

There's a beast inside of me
Demanding and unforgiving
Judging people from their appearance
Keeping my pride and belittling others

So many beasts, so many things to conquer
Will I ever win against them?

There's a love inside of me
A love that conquers all
A love that proves itself
By dying on top of a rough cross
Begone, evil beasts, for the love has won
And he is my only king

Saturday, January 29, 2011


One would think that with each passing year the discipline of prayer would get easier, but in fact it doesn’t. Whether early in the morning or late at night, it is always a challenge. 
- Ravi Zacharias, "Has Christianity Failed You?"

Does prayer makes any difference? Is there really anyone listening out there?
We often ask this question. Does God really hear our prayer?

This is a question that is very hard to answer. Sometimes when I pray, especially when I'm feeling down, I have a doubt whether God really listens to me or I'm just wasting my breath on useless words. A lot of my prayers sure are filled with my wish, some are answered as what I asked, and some are not.

I remembered as a child I was praying earnestly, entirely believing that God hears my voice and He always watching over me. But as I've grown up, and started to do things my own way, I found that doubt start to grow in my heart. There are days where I can feel the presence of God easily. I felt joy, and my devotion time was really touching my heart, and I could feel words from God flowing into my heart and instruct me. But other days I cried and prayed, and nothing happened, and it kept going on for one or two weeks before I was able to feel the presence of God again.

Nevertheless, I can't deny the impact of prayer in my life. Even though my prayer went unanswered, I feel secure in my life because above all, I know that someone is in control, and that one really cares for me. In my darkest days I can always pour out my heart, knowing that even though I can't really feel it, he is always listening, and forgives all my sins. Praying for other people helps me to care more about them and less about myself.

But I must admit, praying isn't an easy task. My mind often wanders and I can't concentrate on my prayers, thinking of all other stuff that I have to do. Still, the Bible said that we have to train ourselves in godliness. And one way to train ourselves is, to discipline in our prayer and daily devotion.

I once heard a story of about a man who was instructed by God to push a large boulder. He obeyed and pushed as far as he can, but the boulder didn't move. After a day was ended and the boulder still didn't move, he asked God, is this really your will? God just answered, keep on pushing. The man obeyed, and day after day, he kept pushing, and even after weeks passed the boulder still didn't move an inch at all. The man broke down, said, I can't do it anymore! But God still said to him, keep pushing. Months passed, and then one day the man realized, that even though the boulder still didn't move at all, all those hard works that he spent on pushing the boulder has made his body muscular, and strong.

Just like that God wants us to keep training our spiritual muscles. We wouldn't be able to do a big ministry and keep humble about it if it isn't supported by strong prayer and faith in the Lord. Only by keep praying and believing, and humbling ourselves in front of the Lord, are then we able to live our life in constant relation with Him.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ethics in the Workplace

From Ravi Zacharias Let My People Think.

Three principles that I have to keep as ethics, remember that these things will always happen in the midst of person who is working and have to do something.

1. Anything that refreshes you without distracting you from, diminishing or destroying your final goal, is legitimate pleasure in your life.

What is the purpose of my life?
What are things that distract me from that?

What is sin?
John Wesley was taught this from his mother.

"Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself."
   -- Susanna Wesley (Letter, June 8, 1725)
2. Any pleasure that jeopardizes the sacred right of another human being is an illegitimate pleasure.

We are called to treat the neediest of this world with respect, it begins at home, and moves into the workplace.

3. Any pleasure however good, if not kept in balance will distort reality, or destroy appetite.

Lead a balanced life.
If you stay working after closing time, get your spouse permission that you can work overtime.
Works can easily be an escape. We hide and run from greater responsibility, run away from those who we need to be with.

The conclusions:

1. All personal pleasures and enjoyments are bought at a price. For the legitimate pleasure you pay it before the pleasure, for the illegitimate, you pay it after the pleasure.
2. There is a place of pleasure. And the closer you come to the pure pleasure and enjoyment, the closer you are to the heart of God.
3. The greatest pleasure of all, is to become a man and woman who knows what is it to worship the living God.

Think and try this!

Speak less, hear more

Yesterday I learned another important lesson. It is really important to hear other people.
I thought that I am quite a man of listening. I tried to listen to other people's feelings and answer accordingly. But no, I am still failed on this matter. More often than not, I try to defend my opinion rather than listening to what other people really think and confirm their feelings.

Thank God, He allowed me to see my error and fix it before it comes too late. As I was speaking with one of my friends, we went into an argument, and especially because I am tired, I responded rather cynically. Then he began to talk about other things that doesn't really related to the problem at hand, but used them to defend himself. (Well maybe not, maybe it's just me that view them as something unrelated, I'm not sure because I can only view from my perspective.) As I am running out of patience, I began to respond harsher and harsher. Then he began to say what he think and would do. At first, I wanted to respond, "So what do you want me to do? You expect me to do that?" but suddenly, God warned me not to do that. So instead, I then just responded with a simple "Ok. Anything else?" and to my wonder, he responded, "Nothing, just that." And then the heat went down from there.

I then realized that people are just simply want to be heard more. We often just want our opinions to be confirmed and accepted. Even if the other party doesn't agree with our opinions, it is okay as long as they hear and know about them.

Learning to hear without answering back is quite a hard task for me to master, but I know that God want me to do that.

Let's do our best to speak less and hear more! Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger! (James 1:19)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Growth needs time

Today I've learned something important.
As I strive to enter a theology university, I rushed and prepared all things so that I can enter that university on April this year.

But against my expectation, my senior reverend said to me that it's better for me to wait for another year before I enroll on that university.
He explained to me that the church need to know me better and see my resolution before they are able to send me studying there.

I always thought that I need to prepare myself as fast as possible. But growth needs time, and I realized that even though I think that I am ready for the challenge ahead, I need to prove myself through my ministry and life first. We couldn't see the depth of a man's heart, but we can know what inside of them by watching how they live their life. A spring will not produce both sweet and bitter water, and an orange tree won't produce apples on its branches. Just like that, a heart that really wants to follow God, will show and manifest itself in form of a lifestyle that chases after God.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Training for life

It is no wonder for us to train ourselves physically for competitions or meets, or even for reducing our weights. But have we been training ourselves spiritually?
Just as our physical part, we need to train our spiritual self, too. And just like we can endure longer and recover quicker if we train our physical body regularly, we can endure stronger against temptations and recover quicker from our fall if we train our spirit regularly.

So how can we train ourselves?
By reflecting and striving to reach our goal, that is to become like Jesus.
Just like when we want to train ourselves physically, we set our goal and picture the image of ourselves in the best shape, our spiritual goal should be the perfect figure of Jesus.

Let's not spend a day without ever stopping to take our private time with God in our daily devotion.

My goal this year:
-Get closer to God, studying his whole bible along the year, by reading 4 chapters daily.

Monday, January 24, 2011

What is humility?

Just browsing a few blogs, and encountered one that seems interesting:

In it, Rob Rufus defined what humility is according to his thinking:

A: It is not gained through apology and self-deprecation. Humility is the revelation of grace that fills your inner life with security: with such a sense of significance: validated by God’s Love for me ... therefore I am significant, secure and valuable—I don’t have to prove anything! I don’t have to boast or compete with people or be jealous because I feel so significant and safe and secure because I am accepted in the Beloved. 

I think this is very interesting. We often think of humility as thinking of ourselves insignificant, unworthy compared to other people and God's grace. But here Rob gives another viewpoint: We can be humble if we realized that we are already received the grace, and nothing we or other people do to us can reduce our significance in the eyes of God.

So there's nothing to prove or boast about, because everything is from grace.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


The internet is really a mixed blessing, because if it is used properly it can help you tremendously in many ways, but most often if we are not careful, it will take away most of our precious time. And it is often started small, just several minutes, but gradually take over much larger portion of our time.

As I am doing my responsibility as a student, I often distracted by many other things during my assignment. One of many things that often lead me off-course from my responsibility as a student is Facebook. It started small, just a few status updates here and there, some replies here and there, but when I realized it, I was spending hours in front of my computer, just waiting for someone to reply to my just-updated-5-minutes-ago status while replying to other people's reply and messaging another at the same time! And at the same time I left other things untended, and when I finally left my computer to do them I was doing them frantically and desperately because I didn't have enough time.

I don't think that using Facebook, nor watching Youtube is wrong, but I know that we have to be responsible for our time. All of us have the same amount of time, 24 hours, but some people are more responsible in using them that others. Even though there are no people watching me, I still have God that watches over me, and looks at me sadly with my irresponsible usage of time.

Today, I am going to do my assignments with my best effort.
I will not open Facebook nor Youtube until I come home.
God please help me, because alone I don't have any strength...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Do it anyway

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

First blog

My first blog...
I don't really think that I should or will enjoy blogging, but my brother suggest me doing it, and I think, why not?
I might stop doing this after a while, but if I never try, I will never know if I enjoy it or not, right?

Well, as I am an Indonesian, living in Japan, and am trying to improve my English, this blog will sometimes be written in Japanese, sometimes in Indonesian, and most often in English. I'll try to include a translation later if I do write on other languages.

So the first topic for my first blog: and that will be the main theme of this blog, is humility.

As a christian, one person that I really admire and believe in is Jesus from Nazareth, and his teachings inspire myself in many fields of life. One characteristic that always can be found from his life, is, his humility.
I really wish from the depth of my heart, that I can be a humble person just like him.

I once thought that I was humble enough. I help other people, I pray for other people, I try to please other people as much as I can, and even sacrifice myself for others.
But no, in reality, as I keep living and start to reach a higher importance in my environment, my real self start to show. The more I learn, the more I thought of others less experienced than me to be inferior. The more I sacrifice myself, the more I demand others to either praise me or give me respect for my service.

This keeps on going, and I don't realize that this ugly self of me starts to show until it was too late. As I get puffed up, I started to criticize those that come less often to the church, and think of myself as an important piece in the ministry. I started to talk about Christ to other people without respecting their belief. Oh how I wish that I can realize this sooner!

Then I have some problems with one of my close friend. And when I knew later, it was already too late. I caused his/her partner to view Christians as cruel and condemning people, just because of my acts and thoughts.

That night I can't sleep and my mind is filled with anxiety. At first I tried to justify myself. But then my conscience began to condemn me, and the thoughts of how I had hurt my friend's feelings, how I had twisted the image of Jesus by my actions, kept me feeling unworthy of any self-justification.

Even the next morning, at the church I am still in grief. I tried to convince myself to lift up my spirit and enjoy the Sunday service, but I just can't. I went to the toilet crying myself for around 15 minutes before I can go back to the hall. Even though that day's sermon told me that God will come to my help soon, I just can't feel the presence of God among my condemning thought and guilt. In my mind I know that God has forgiven me, but still I can't free myself from the guilt.

It was later in the evening, after I confess about my sin to a close friend, that I can regain myself again. And we discuss about humility as was taught by the bible, and we promised that we will try to learn to humble ourselves.

Later I learned things as I reading my bible and some literature. Just as Jesus comes to serve and glorify His Father, I should also serve and glorify Jesus. Just as Jesus washed his disciples' feet, I should also learn and be humble enough to do the most unappreciated task. As Jesus taught, those who want to be the greatest must be the smallest.

Being humble is impossible without God's help. I will just fall again to trying to show my humble self to other people. The only way I can stay humble, is by constant awe of His glory, and being a broken people to the core, unworthy of doing His ministry. Only then I can truly serve other people as a servant.