“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.” Then a voice came from heaven: “I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.” John 12:27-28
As I struggling to keep writing my thesis yesterday, I prayed this prayer:
"I'm so afraid. Lord please help me to go through this time."
Still, God didn't give me an instant way out. Nor did I suddenly become fear-free, finishing my thesis with incredible speed. Not at all. I still struggled, and slowly, words by words, minutes ticking, several times of despair as I dreaded the closing deadline.
But still something happened. Although with much hardships, I managed to increase the page number. From twenty to twenty five, to thirty, and now thirty six! I don't know how, but I managed to write my thesis slowly, and in one day I achieved much more progress compared to days before.
Is it fear that forces me to write? Probably.
Is it desperate situations that makes me able to do that? Maybe.
I don't want to deceive myself by rejecting that I was in state of panic. But Lord used my weakness, and gave me comfort in my heart slowly, and I can somehow write them in a calm manner.
I am still struggling to fight my tendency to procrastinate, but I know that God will shape me through my life, and form me into his humble servant by my daily life, and through circumstances and people around me.
I love you, Lord. You are the best! Never once did you leave me alone, never once did you disappoint me. Even if you don't save me instantly, your grace is abundant and always enough for me.